Sure, hardships seem to be nigh on impossible to weather, but when we come out the other end, we come out as stronger, wiser people.
So it's all over with Ben now?
Yup, but with that comes a certain release. It was getting quite tense on both of ends: I felt he wasn't reciprocating enough, he felt I was being overbearing. I see where he was coming from, but that mostly comes from the fact that he simply wasn't that into it really.
Where to now though?
Nowhere really, but that's ok. There's a certain comfort to be garnered from having nowhere to go at the moment. I think I'll probably go on a short holiday hopefully alone just to clear my headspace, then I think I'll be able to retrieve a friendship out of all of this mess really. It dragged on too long, mostly because I didn't want break it off, but I know we'll both be happier this way. I can't help but feel a little dragged along by it all, because I feel like he knew he wasn't really that into it for a long time now. I guess I've evaluated better what I value in a relationship though, which pretty much boils down to liking me for who I am, because really, that's a pretty difficult package. I'm not the world's most physically attractive person, but I'm not really unattractive and I can see how people could find my personality rather difficult to handle due to the extreme nonsense that I enjoy so much. Still I think somehow it's made me more perceptive to the inherent beauty in the world that surrounds us.
How does that work?!
I don't really understand it either. Maybe I appreciate it more due to the hardship of the last few months. I mean unrequited love is a really difficult emotion to deal with. I feel I still have bucketloads of love to give someone someday, but I think for the moment I just need a break from it all and to make some new friends out of it all. I mean I've already made two friends out of it which is nice. I just don't want to do what I did the last time Ben and I broke up and rebound ridiculously, which wasn't a really healthy emotional response, but I guess it was probably the most emotional moment of my life to date when I found out that he was in Melbourne with another guy. I'm so thankful for my friends being there for me that night, especially Kira with her ice cream, cherries and friendship.
Philosophy: the playground of idle, but brilliant minds
