It is curious why I always feel kind of depressed during and straight after grocery shopping.
So it's exam period and you're not studying right now. Why?
Well I guess I'm just not feeling in a particularly good head space for study and I've already done some today, so that must count for something. Either way, I haven't really been in a particularly good head space for study for a while with the whole Ben thing.
Ben?
Well if only you knew. Basically this guy I met online and we hit it off well, which is always nice. There's mutual interest there from what I gather. I question though whether a significant part of my interest is the whole not having a boyfriend for over a year and a half now and the accompanying desperation. It also wigs me out a little that he's so soon out of a relationship. It almost feels like we're going backwards at the moment as he was initially the one to suggest we make it Facebook official, which he's now said he thinks it was premature. It worries me that he doesn't like me, which I'm pretty certain he does, but I'm so confused about it all. I wish relationships were simpler, but there's nothing I can do about it really. Just have to wait and see.
Seems like it's a bit mad all of this really. Why bother?
Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind, but I think a certain balance is required. I mean I like him, no doubts there, but it's still hard. I wish he wasn't all the way in Benalla. It does make things easier when there's not the geographical distance, which will be removed in a few months, but do I have the patience? The desperation is crushing. There's that apparent security of a relationship that I crave. It's almost at that stage where I don't really care who it is, but I'm so picky with guys that it's ridiculous, but I'm in one of my "no one is really attractive, with the exception of Ben" phases.
I'm so totally lost with all of this. Help?
